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But to me, she was always encouraging, personable, even deferential. After she was widowed, she became increasingly housebound, and her phone was her weapon of choice. Though she did not drive, this was not the reason for the narrowing of her world. Her home was where she felt safe, and the place she wanted to die. She had Meals on Wheels delivered as well as newspapers and library books, and an occasional cleaner. Her neighbors looked in on her regularly. Her children and grandchildren visited often. There was no reason for her to leave. Because of her phone, she never lost contact with the rest of the world.

Sometimes when I got home from work, there would be nine or ten messages from her on the answer-phone. Calls could last an hour or more. She always asked, what was new? What had I done today? She read me articles, told me all sorts of Jewish jokes, and sang songs from the 40's and 50's. Fortunately, I could sing most of them along with her.

Mostly, we talked about family and food. She asked about my sisters, mother and my estranged father, whom she referred to as, "that jerk" or, "that deadbeat." She talked about how much she missed her husband. I spoke of my love of Cape Cod; she told me how much she loved lobster with butter. She'd confess to me when she'd eat Chinese food on paper plates, and feel guilty about it, but that didn't stop her from doing it from time to time.

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